Warm enough? THIS IS VERY FUNNY STORY HOW A POMMY WAS WELCOMED TO OUR WEST
NEWMAN , WESTERN AUSTRALIA
[ Diary of a Bloke who cracked a Job in W.A. ]
August 31
Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in
Newman, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was
beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.
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September 13
Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned
home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper.
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September 30th
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more
mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
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October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of
heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatising is
taking longer than I expected.
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October 15th
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed
three days of work. What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like
this.
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October 20th
Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of
a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat
shit. I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
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October 25
This wind is a b*stard. It feels like a giant f*ckin' blow dryer. And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive
over and tell me he needs to order parts from f*ckin' Perth .
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October 30th
The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the f*ckin' aircon.
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $800,000 house and we can't
even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
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November 4
Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around
25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30.
Stupid repairman.
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November 8
If one more smart a*se says 'Hot enough for you today?', I'm going to f*ckin' throttle
him. F*ckin' heat! By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my
clothes are soaking f*ckin' wet and I smell like baked cat!
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November 9
Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery
in the ol' car. I thought my f*ckin' arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all
the hair on the backs of my legs and my f*ckin' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair,
fried a*se and baked cat!
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November 10
Weather report! It might as well be a f*ckin' recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot
and f*ckin' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two f*ckin' months and the
weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn
f8ckin' place. Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry
up and blow into the f*ckin' pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the
f*ckin' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the
f*ckers!
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November 20th
Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f*ckin' degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my
car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' My wife had to
spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid f*cker.
F*ckin' Newman! What kind of sick, demented f*ckin' idiot would want to live here!
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December 1
WHAT!!!! - The first day of Summer!!!!
You are f*ckin' kidding!
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