1.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
14.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
16.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
17.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20.
A backward poet writes inverse.
21.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
22.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23.
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
